Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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