I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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