My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
