i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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