Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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