have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
