things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I touched a dick in church today
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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