farters have to be the big spoon...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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