I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
