For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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