What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
