I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
