haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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