Can i not drive my cunt home
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I still have a little drunk in my system
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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