I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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