who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
