Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
