Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
someone threw a dead crab at me
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
