he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
