I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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