Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I think we might need a safe word for this...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
