We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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