The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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