But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
