i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
