He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
