i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
