someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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