I hate all girls vehemently.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
