I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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