I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
the liver wants what the liver wants
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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