oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
