Will you blow on my dice?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
