john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Text me some of your sweat
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
