there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
