...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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