Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
