dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
