There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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