My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
