a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
