I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
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It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
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Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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