Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
