is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
