After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
