There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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