So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
