If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
