Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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