i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
