I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
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You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
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I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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