I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
