Can i not drive my cunt home
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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