That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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