i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
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I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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