You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
