I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
