I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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