Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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