If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
