I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
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I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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