so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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