after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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