there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
